Just a little over a year ago our adoption agency came out with the option that we could find our own birth mom and in return save thousands of dollars. Jordan and I decided that we could take that route. We knew we needed to find a way to market ourselves and thought a video about us would be perfect. I put a post on Facebook asking for someone that may be able to help us shoot the video or piece it together. Our amazing wedding videographers reached out to us and said they wanted to help. It was truly a blessing to hear from them. We set up a day to do all the shooting and asked our family to take part in it. About a month or so later we were sent the link to watch the video. I got teary eyed watching and thinking this is what the mother of our future child will see to pick us to be the parents. It was a perfect portrayal of us and our family. We immediately started sharing the video with friends and family and through Facebook. Our hope was that enough people would share it that eventually it would be seen by just the right person. We waited and waited...we have become very good waiters (kind of). Every month or so we would re-share the video to get people thinking about it again. When December came and we knew we would be going through another Christmas childless we were disappointed. We continued to pray and hold out hope that our child would one day be in our arms. As the new year began I slowly started losing hope. I didn't share this with anyone because I felt I always needed to put on the positive face and show I was trusting God. I had some really hard Sundays at church. On March 19 I remember Pastor Scot getting up and saying he felt there were some people at church that day that really needed prayer for something hard they were struggling with. I knew that was me. At this point I had begin to think that Jordan and I may never be parents. I thought maybe God has other plans for us and I am just going to have to learn to live like this. Scot asked anyone that needed that extra prayer to raise their hand and he would pray. My hand went up and I sat there trying to hold back tears. I so desperately wanted to be a mom and for so many years now I had been praying I was sure he just wasn't listening anymore. After that Sunday I started working on getting my hope back.
Here is a little from Jordan before we move on. We have been on a crazy journey. I can't express how grateful I am to be on this journey with her. Since I have not shared anything on here before I am starting from the beginning. I truly hope this helps any guys out there going through a similar situation. As much as it hurt me on the inside I knew that I had to be support for Alysha. When we first talked about starting our family I was excited for the thought of holding our little one. When we went through all the infertility treatments with no success it was difficult. People would continue to ask how it was going. I would answer with oh it is going well just waiting. That got old really quick. It hurt really bad to not be able to see the treatment be successful. We decided to stop spending our money on the treatments and pursue a different avenue of adoption. I was eager to start that process and hoped that it would go quickly. NOPE, we had more waiting and waiting. I don't like talking about my feelings and it truly hurt inside to have to wait as long as we did. I like to fix things and I could not fix this situation. I had to trust God's plan. I continued to try and figure out ways to fix it. We started helping with the youth at the 12 Points campus of Maryland. One of the Sundays we had to meet after service so we decided to attend the service at 12 Points for the first time. Chad, the worship leader, felt led to pray for a miracle over everyone. That's when I felt God tell me it was going to be okay. I felt Him just take it all from me. I was not worried about it anymore. I knew God had it all worked out.
So on March 22 I told Jordan I had some symptoms of pregnancy. He told me I needed to take a pregnancy test to find out. I was so hesitant to take one though because I have had so many failed ones before. Looking at one line on a pregnancy test just disappoints me more. He stopped that day and picked one up. The morning of March 23 I took the test. Jordan stood right there in the bathroom with me before he left for work. He said he couldn't leave without knowing. I sat there, still half asleep, and looked over at the test to see two lines. I thought my sleepy eyes were playing tricks on me so I picked it up to look closer. I looked at Jordan and said, "That's positive." We both were in shock. I got ready for work and ran to the clinic for blood work that morning. When we got the news that the blood work came back positive we were both still in shock. I was afraid to get my hopes up that something could still happen but yet I was jumping for joy on the inside.
Many people have asked us what we did different this time. The answer is nothing. We were still on the track for adoption. God decided to surprise us with this little blessing. There are many times when I think about family or friends that have and still are suffering through infertility. I always think why did God decide to bless us while they still have to suffer. I have really struggled with this. I have had some people ask why I don't post more pictures on Facebook and I can tell you that I am doing it for the protection of my Facebook friends that are still waiting for their blessing. I know that many of them are happy with us but I also know that with each picture it can put a little damper on their waiting.
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