Up to date

I want to start off today by saying thank you to everyone that has sent us words of encouragement since yesterday.  When I decided to share our story I was nervous because I didn't want sympathy from everyone but rather a strong support system and prayer group to help us through this.
I started my first round of Clomid in November.  Our three months of trying Clomid and tracking my ovulation turned into 5 months.  One of the effects that PCOS has on your body is irregular periods.  Even with me taking Clomid my body would not have a period on its own.  This lead to me having false hopes of being pregnant and then finding out I wasn't.  I then had to go back to taking a medicine that would force my body to have a period again.  I went back to meet with Dr. Isaacs on March 20.  We discussed how my periods were still irregular and I had not even compled the third round of trying.  She decided that since I was just weeks away from ovulation again we would go straight to trying an IUI.
On April 2 we tried our first IUI with Dr. Isaacs.  It was nerve racking but felt like a big step.  The next two weeks felt like they drug on waiting to see if it worked.  Unfortunately it didn't work.  What was surprising though was the fact that I actually had a period, on my own, without medicine!  Dr. Isaacs said we would try one more IUI with Clomid before sending us on.  On May 2 we went in for our second IUI with Dr. Isaacs.  Two weeks later we were disappointed and discouraged again.  My heart was broken and I couldn't hold back the tears.  I know that God has this all in his control but its so hard to really see that when you're in the middle of it.  It was time to call Dr. Isaacs office and let them know that the IUI didn't work.  She recommended us to a specialist in Carmel.
On June 10 Jordan and I met with Dr. Will at Midwest Fertility Specialist.  Nervous and anxious we sat in the room waiting for him to come in.  We loved our meeting with Dr. Will and think we will get along great with him.  We discussed everything we had been through and what tests had been done.  His recommendation was to try Letrozole to start my ovulation, checking my follicles at the time I should ovulate, and doing an IUI.  It's hard for me to say yes to another IUI when we have already had 2 failed ones.  I have to remind myself that this one is a little different.  The ones before I was tracking my own ovulation with at home kits, where this one they will actually check and make sure I am even going to ovulate correctly.  I can say that I am hopeful that being with a specialist will help in the process.  It doesn't make the process easier or the questions of "When are you having kids" any less painful.  Jordan and I pray daily in this process asking God to give us patience and a peace of mind in this whole journey.  My next appointment is on June 30 where they will check my follicles.  We are praying for good news!

Letting you in on our journey

Jordan and I have decided its time to let everyone else in on our current struggle.  Jordan and I have spent the last year dealing with infertility.  It's hard to deal with alone so we've decided to let everyone else in on it.  We welcome your prayer and support as we continue on this journey.  Back in October I typed something just to get my feelings out.  I wanted to share that here in the first post and tomorrow I will bring you up to date on our journey.

October 29, 2013

My husband (Jordan) and I are embarking on a new journey together.  This is a journey that I would be completely fine not telling anyone about; but Jordan seems to want to talk about it with everyone.  I have decided that maybe it is best that I share my thoughts and feelings throughout the journey as well.  I know it is a journey that many couples go through, more than I ever thought.  The fact that our journey may help one other couple deal with theirs makes it better for me to share.

Jordan and I were married on March 3, 2012. We both love kids and have always known we wanted to have kids.  We started talking about when we would try to have kids before we were even married.  Once we returned from our honeymoon the discussion of kids became almost a weekly discussion.  I was already 27 at this time and knew that if we planned on having more than one child we should start trying sooner than later.  In August of 2012 we decided that it was time to stop preventing pregnancy.  About two months into it I thought I would get pregnant within the next month or so.  I went through several pregnancy tests at different times with them all being negative.  As the time went on it became more discouraging to me.  I got to the point where I couldn’t stand to get on Facebook or Instagram and see other girls post about being pregnant or having their baby.  I just kept thinking to myself why them, why not me.  I spent many nights crying and feeling bad for myself.  I knew that we would probably end up talking about infertility with the doctor and I dreaded finding out what could be wrong.  I finally scheduled an appointment for October 3, 2013.  At this time we had “been trying” for a little over a year.  When meeting with the doctor she asked me a few questions that might help her determine what could be wrong.  She then sent me off for lots of blood tests and a sample cup for Jordan (he was oh so excited about this).  I also had to schedule an appointment to have a sonogram done of my uterus and ovaries so they could check those for issues.  A week after my initial appointment I returned to the office for my sonogram and test results.  After the sonogram was done I sat in the waiting room, watching and listening to so many pregnant women around me.  I felt like time was dragging on.  I finally got called back to speak with my doctor.  My doctor shared with me that they had discovered a lot of little cyst all around my ovaries.  My blood results showed an increase in my insulin levels and a higher fasting cholesterol level.  She shared that all of these were signs that I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS).  I had no idea what that was or what exactly it meant.  She tried to tell me a little about it but all I could do was repeat PCOS in my head so I could remember what it was.  She then told me about Jordan’s sample and that it all looked ok.  She went on to tell me that I had a couple options to try to get pregnant.  I had a medicine I could take that will help to control my insulin levels which in return should help my body to ovulate normally again.  She then gave me the option to try a three month term of Clomid.  The Clomid option was a more aggressive option.  I knew right away that Clomid was going to be what I did.  I left the appointment feeling very hopeful.  I called Jordan to let him know what the news was and what we had to do now.  I then went straight home to goggle PCOS and find out just what exactly I had.  As I started reading more details and the risks with pregnancy, my hopefulness dwindled.  I read about how long couples tried to get pregnant and then when they finally did get pregnant they had a miscarriage.  They talked about the higher chance for a miscarriage if you have PCOS and a higher chance for premature delivery.  So now I’m going to work so hard to get pregnant and then have a high risk of losing my baby.  I felt defeated.  I have longed to be a mom and to feel my baby kick and move around inside me. 

Two weeks after my appointment I went back for a blood test to make sure I wasn't pregnant.  The doctor then prescribed me a medicine that would force my body to have a period.  On day 5 of my period I will begin my first round of Clomid.  I’m nervous for these next three months.  Afraid that the outcome won’t be what we want.  Scared that I will have to go through another three months and soon another birthday without having that child I so dearly want. 

After our three months of Clomid the doctor wants us to come back to see her if we aren't pregnant.  She said we would then have to look at doing insemination.  This scares me a little.  What are the costs?  Will we be able to afford it?  So many questions and worries go through my mind each day.  I pray that God will carry us though this entire journey and give me comfort when things don’t work out.